My big brother and his wife are pregnant again! I'm going to be an aunt again! I still haven't gotten used to the first time.. only ever seen the adorable little tucker half a dozen times or so. Apparently he's talking now. I don't want my own kids, but I'm sad that I'm missing out on the lives of my brother's.

I'm supposed to be much more well off than this by now. I'm supposed to be able to fly around anywhere I want to go, whenever I want, and see my family, and help my parents out and buy them a camper van so they can drive all over everywhere, and and and...

Sigh.

It feels like with this student loan I'm never going to get anywhere. I mean, I pay more in st.loan every month than many people pay in rent. But without the loan - and the school it paid for - I wouldn't have this job. But still.. I know many people who aren't paying their loans at all. It doesn't seem fair that I have been paying $345 a month every month for four years, and I have to continue to pay it until I'm 32, and I can't catch a break, while others just don't pay it and don't seem to care. I looked into refinancing the thing but I'd end up paying more in the long run and I can't even stand that thought - it's enough as it is.

That's it. I need to win the lottery.

I suppose I should maybe play it once in a while, hey?