I give advice. I tell people how to deal with what they’re thinking, that what they’re feeling is ok, that the Universe has a plan for everyone who puts their trust into it. And yet, I don’t understand how people think. I can deal with things by.. not worrying about them. By not thinking about them more than necessary. I can forget things as easily as looking the other way. But some people... well, I am afraid I do not understand those whose brains hold on to things and chew on them forever. For more than a day, even. It almost makes me feel like an airhead.

I used to want many things. I wanted them so badly. But the Universe had different, better plans, and when I let go of the things I wanted, I could see more clearly to the things that were good for me.

I used to want to spend the rest of my life with a certain manboy who, it turns out, Didn't Get Me. If I'd gotten what I'd wanted right then, I would never have had a zillion wonderful experiences since, and I would never have met the man who makes my eyes shine the way they do.

I used to want curly hair. I wanted it so hard that I ruined the beautiful, straight, thick hair I did have by perming it mercilessly.

I think, at one time in my life, I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to forget it. I wanted it to go away, and it did. Now I can't dwell on anything - be it happy or sad. If a thing is not in front of me, I forget it exists. I've trained myself to not think about unpleasant things because I don’t want to. And sometimes the pain I don’t want to feel, the pain I ignore and pretend is not there because I want to feel happy and smiley, sometimes it bursts through my want so roughly that I can’t bear it. I cry and cry and cry; if I want to forget about it and stop crying, I open a book. I forget everything, I literally escape it all by going into a different world, one where pain isn’t real and can be stopped by turning a page or closing my eyes. And when I have read a page or two, I do forget my pain, just like I wanted to. I forget it so completely.

Sometimes I wish I could feel pain and experience and remember it so that I could work through it and learn from it. But I wanted it to go away. And it did.

I forget so many things. I forget to shop for groceries and therefore eat properly, I forget to do my dishes, I forget to mail cheques, after 26 years I still forget to brush my teeth, I forget I forget I forget what else I forget.

forget (v): balloon, blow lines, blow up, clean forget, disremember, fluff, go blotto, kiss off, laugh away, laugh off, misrecollect, obliterate, punt, unknow, unlearn

forget (v): leave, blink, discount, disregard, drop, fail, ignore, neglect, omit, overlook, overpass, pass over, skip, slight, transgress, trespass

People seem to think I do it on purpose. three quarters of the definitions for “forget” seem to imply on purpose. It’s not on purpose. I don’t know what it is but I can’t seem to stop it.

I can’t remember how I was going to end this.