As you may have seen (but maybe not, because it seems the only people who visit it regularly are spammers, arseholes, Jim and Emiline {thank you jim and emiline, much love!}) - there has been a dickhead attack on my guestbook. I left it alone for a while, and about forty-seven people told me it wasn't wrong to post my feelings as I did. But when the dickhead returned, and started attacking my Jim, I decided I'd had enough and closed it down. I'd been debating doing such a thing anyway, because the amount of spam was getting to be too much to handle.

But to have, of all entries, of all things, the entry about how we lost ethan be the one that was attacked.. and to have my motives for posting it attacked.. and that someone actually thought i was being selfish, for fuck's sake... that's just too much to bear. It's too much. I cannot see a child on the street without crying; I cannot play with Shauna's niece, born a month before Ethan, without being in an agony; I cannot go a day without screwing my face up in pain, and this anonymous person wants to attack me for writing about it? For trying to empty my head of the words so perhaps my heart can begin to heal?

I simply can't believe this person had the absolute gall to assume that s/he knows more about what is appropriate for my family than I do. I hate to see what they'll think when I put together an Ethan Memorial website. Because how dare I try to keep the memory of our beautiful boy alive, right? How dare I share with my friends in a somewhat disassociated entry, the grief that I couldn't share in person or even online? How fucking dare I, right?

Well, it's my life, and my website, and my grief, and I'll deal with it any way I please, and I'll also deal with the grief of my family any way I see fit, and if an anonymous person has a problem with it, that's their problem, and I refuse to entertain their intrusion on my website and in my life any longer.