Wow, I’m writing something that doesn’t make me bawl my freaking eyes out. Although, it probably should. At midnight last night, the phone rang. I was in bed, but not sleeping, although I was trying because midnight is about an hour and a half too late to be awake when I have to get up for work.

Anyway, on the phone was kevin! Yay! But when he asked if I was lying down, my heart sank to about my knees.

He’s got to stay an extra two weeks. They need his knowledge and expertise. Which, by the way, I haven’t mentioned how proud of him I am... which is very. Just imagine! Braving volcanos and earthquakes and a completely different culture, to excel in work and help people to learn. It’s really awesome.

But oh. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with four more weeks. I hadn’t even hit the halfway point yet. Making it six puts me almost right back where I started. The empty time looms ahead of me, and I’m not sure how to fill it, but fuck. If he can deal with such an upheaval to his life, so can I. But it’s still awfully lonely.

. . .

Today I dropped shauna off at work (I won’t see her for another week or so), and lo and behold, the sun burst out from the hurricane for five minutes while it was setting. In the west was a vanilla sky, and in the east, a complete, full rainbow! I wouldn’t have seen the full rainbow anywhere but right in front of shauna’s work. Rainbows always make things better, so I’m going to take it as a sign that I can deal with this, and I’ll find a way to make friends and keep them, to find connections and have conversations, and to visit people and fill in my time with fun and people I care about.

Yup. The rainbow says I can.

today, i am: