at least once a week, i bawl my freaking eyes out.
is it normal to be this sad?

how do military wives deal? at least they know what they're getting into. i was ambushed.

i'm burying real life in movies, because every time i walk away from the tv, this awful bubble of grief pops open and i start to cry. maybe it's the rain. maybe it's the loneliness. maybe it's the knowledge that i only had precious few hours with ethan and now he's gone forever. maybe it's the pile of bills i'm still not sure i can afford. maybe it's the two months i've spent without my love and the one more month i have to go. maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself.

i just know i've never felt this sad, ever, and i still don't know how to deal with it. and it gets worse when i don't hear from kevin, which i obviously haven't. we spoke twice on sunday, and then he called me at work but i missed it by seconds and he didn't call back, and that's it. it makes the loneliness about a million times worse when he's too busy for contact. and i'm not angry with him; i'm just fucking sad.