I feel cheated, ripped off, lied to.

I wasn’t supposed to be here alone. I know I keep going on and on about it, and I’m sure you’ve all stopped reading, but I can’t help it. It’s becoming more and more real, and the reality is, I’m more lonely than I’ve ever been. I’ve never been separated from him like this before. Never from anyone, really, but no one else matters now anyway.

At least, I got a call from him finally. He’s been super busy at work, there through the nights and weekends, with his spare time for eating. He called me at 7:30am his time, and he was just getting in from work and was in bed. And although he’s busy, he’s having a better time than he was, which makes it a little easier.

But oh, I feel tricked in this beautiful apartment we were meant to share.

. . .

Had a yard sale today. All that work and preparation, and barely anyone showed up. I’m meant to go to the flea market tomorrow, and I’m too fucking tired, I just know I won’t be up in time. I need to have at least one day this weekend to sleep and sleep, or the rest of the week I’ll be fucked.

I got to spend some time with Shauna today, which is rare and precious. She keeps me sane in this horrible aching empty loneliness. Kevinless. I miss him. I don’t know how people do it. I don’t know how I’m doing it.

god, I’m talking about it again. But I’m just. So. Sad.